Emptiness in the veins...

Dear Diary,

Since some days, i have a strange feeling in my veins and it is hard for me to understand and explain it correctly.
Of course, i know my blood is connected to my protector and then, i am able to feel his mood, his temper. My blood ? Or may be my soul ? No, no, no ... i don't know how it works and i still wonder why i am still so reactive and sensitive... I did not meet my protector since some days.
I SHOULD FEEL BETTER ! ... Please why i am feeling like this ? Why it tickles my veins, worse... it burns.

It is so hard to live, i feel his presence, his feelings, his mood.. and this last day, his desire to stay alone, in peace.
Oh god, Diary, it was like a rejection ... i turned back and left the Arsenal, feeling emptiness in my veins.

Emptiness in my veins....

Fragile friendship.

Dear Diary,

Sometimes, i think being the elder of a family and gets friends is not compatible...
I know some of my decisions are not welcomed for my friends. But i have some believes in the human race. I believe all human can change and have a second chance.
Perhaps i am wrong ? But if i give up and stop to believe in humans, i will not be myself anymore... I will not be Gioia, but one of these Chosens behaving without heart.
I am not like that !
I don't want to lose my friends but i can't force them to smile at me when they diapprove my choises. I will wait the end of their anger, if it happens one day.

Gioia.

Bloodoll.

Dear Diary,

A lot of my meetings with signore Zarek were not long enough and he had no time to bite me decently to feed his health. So, when i met him the last time, he was starving and very weak... I helped him to go at Arsenal, his home... as he wished.
But when we passed in the shadow of the gate, MyLord suddently jumped on me, some last strenght giving him power and he took violently possession of my neck, drinking my blood with greediness. He was lost in a irrational thirst feeding on his protected girl like he was attacking a poor animal. I tried to struggle and release me... I begged, i cried but he was stronger than me and all my movements excited him more : i was just a bloodoll, nothing more. I gave up the fight and waited the end... I don't remember what happened after.
I just have some short  memories of what happened after my collapse... Us in the inn, me sipping the soup and feeling him in my back, my hand on a knife. Everything is so blurry... I am feeling so bad, so angry.

Now, i know he is a true DeRais...

Gioia.