A destabilizing trap.

Dear Diary,

A couple days ago, i felt in a destabilizing trap...

Walking in streets, lost in thoughts, i nearly bumped a Chosen that i fear... So i mumbled some apologizes to be in that odd state. But he never let me go... he wanted to know more about the feelings upsetting my mind, just to entertain him. As i was not agreeing, he used his sabat skill on me, forcing me to tell the truth. He took pleasure, listening my words and fustration about the needs of my body, about my claiming blood, about my insecure's feeling. He took fun to tease my mind, reminding me what i miss, what my body wants.
I was so angry, fustrated and shocked to tell all my secret thoughts to this frightening Chosen. I was mad and i clearly showed him my anger. To hear him wanting to take care of me and my burning blood during Lord Zarek's absence.
To get rid of him, i accepted to pay with a bite, hoping he would leave me in peace and praying to not be too much reactive, knowing my blood and body were in needs. And i failed. The Chosen felt the subtile reactions of my human body, even if i was muttering the reverse. My body betrayed my mind !

It was too late, all went wrong. I was prisonner from his arms, his embrace keeping me trapped between him and the door of his home. I tried to push him away, i even attempted to graze him when he raised my skirt, feeling his desire. My body betrayed me... i never stopped to beg him to stop, to not take me that way. But i failed, he finally brought me in his home, playing with me all the night...

I am mad and ashamed to be so weak and mixed up. The protection i needed never came to save me from that situation. No Lord, no DeRais, no Drakul's friends... nobody. I was lost, trying to deal with my tortured mind, trying to manage the sensations my body claimed.
I hate me, i feel dirty, i fear to meet this Chosen again. I am frightened and lost.

Gioia.

It's spring, the city lives again...

Dear Diary,

The spring is back. And it is back with my birthday... i'm 19.
Also, this season brings back a lot of changements. The first important changement for me is the return of Lord Zarek. He was in a long travel, on Italy's coasts. Perhaps his return is the sign of the beginning of that storm i talked in previous pages ? You remember ? I told you about the calm before the storm... It is strange but i feel it will happen something... But i don't know what. It is like an odd shivers, suddently crossing along your spine, you know something will happen.

I also engaged myself in the run for the management of the bakery. For now, we are three candidates which submitted their entry... That means i have all my chances. Having the control of a food stall can be very important. I wish to be able to bring some helps and facilities for my kind, the humans. Also, i do love to eat sweet pastries... i think it is also a good reason to run that business.

Now, about spring's changements, i hope they will be positive. But i am afraid that my odd shivers would be so encouraging. Damn, i still have hard time to understand what i feel.

Gioia.

The suffering.

Dear Diary,

The pain is a feeling which i fear particularly. Perhaps because i am very sensitive or perhaps because i lives some horrible moments ? But now, i can't see someone suffers in front of me... even a Chosen, even a Vordesian who generaly hates my kind of humans, the Borghese.

Yesterday, a Vordesian Lady was hung on a hook on the Piazza. When i locked my eyes on her, noticing her pain and her bloody face, i felt bad. Slowly, i stepped closer her with prudence and when she asked me help in a breath, i stopped to think and i helped her to get out this hook... I hope i don't bring myself in troubles by helping Miss Selenity.

I don't like to see the suffering... like i don't like to feel it.

Gioia.

Calm before the storm ?

Dear Diary,

The city of Venexia is living a strange period of calm.
You can walk free in the streets and none will bother you. It seems the Chosens are in a odd peaceful mood. Of course, a lot of them are in travels... even Lord Zarek. No DeRais around and if i meet one, during a short time, this is in a relatively serene atmospher. Like i met Signore Hayden, we talk about fashion, giving my opinion on two pretty dresses he will sell for his business. And i am lucky with DeRais because he finally offered me the two attires.
Without MyLord around me, the little care of Sir Hayden brought me back the sense of security, the assurance to know someone keeps an eye on me.
I am a little more serene and i start to deal with the pain of my connection with Lord Zarek.
During this peaceful week, i took care of my family and its members. I tried to do my best to help these who need me... even if i failed some times.

Gioia.

Terra's turning

Dear Diary,

This sunday, march 10 is a special day i don't want to forget... Something will happen and a lot of things will change. Of course, i wish to not have too much changements, especially my relation with my friend Terra.
Because today, this is Terra's day... He will lose his Humanity to become a Chosen.

Together, we spoke a lot about this event and noticed we have a lot of fears about the future of our friendship. Many questions about the feelings, about the Chosen he will be... But only the future can answer.

For now, i just wrote a poem for him, to express my feelings, hopes and fears... Here is Gioia's pray for her best friend, Terra.

Me, Gioia, i have a friend called Terra

He takes care, holds me in this era.

I am sure i can call him 'my best friend'

He will be around me .. always, until my end.

Now, he offered his precious Humanity,

To pass over and become a Chosen.

For me, his feelings will never be frozen,

My friend will never die, living for Eternity.

And i believe he still keeps true feelings

Or i will be there, standing in front of him.

I will bring him to the Ocean, just to swim,

To refresh our friendship and its meanings.

Terra, this poem is a wish i wrote for you.

I hope the sky, upon our heads, will stay blue.

Wihtout you, this world is full of horror and cruelty

So, Me, Gioia, i promise to never broke this complicity.

Gioia.

Fear and shame.

Daer Diary,

As i am writing now, i am still shocked by the events i lived yesterday and my night was not whole resting, having the fear running in the veins.
I was the human toy of two DeRais Ladies... They played with me, they used their skills to forced me to undress and dance in front of their Marchese Lord zarek. They proved that i am just a pet in their hands... even in the hands of my protector. They opened my eyes and made me see the true side of DeRais, all of them.
At the end, i was told to be dropped in a tavern, escorted by a lady... but i don't wanted to go in a inn .. i was just in need to be alone, in isolated place, the Chapel. Why the DeRais was following me ? Because i was not going to the tavern as Lord Zarek ordered ? Why she threatened me and tried to bring me reason ? I was too mad, frightened, ashamed and disappointed to be leaded more.
Fortunately, i hid two daggers in this Chapel . and i was ready to defend myself when she attacked. She made errors... She was weakened by her thirst, i was ready to do anything to save myself, full of rage and fear... but more, i was trained at fight by Lord zarek himself ! This good mixture saved my life... until next time.

But is was not the end of my fears... Diary.

When i was going back home, this little room where i sleep, At Arsenal... I knew the two DeRais ladies were teasing my friend Terra. And i was not able to stay out this business ... i yelled them to leave him be. I fast gave up when Lady Zandra came to help him ... so i just stepped in a corner to be forgotten ... Too late.

Too late, i became a target... but i just wanted to stay... Worse, i just needed to stay close my protector. Just because of that connection and my damn claiming blood. The distance brings me pain and burn in veins ... and i was not able to move away from the Arsenal. I was not able to leave until a rentee came and brought me with force from there...

Back at Arsenal, i walked silently toward my room and tried to find some rest... the fear haunting my dreams.

Gioia.

Friend & Chosen.

Dear Diary,

Since a couple of weeks, i have a great human friend, Terra. He is attentive, understanding and he brings me some peace and relaxing moments. Especially when i am feeling bad and sad, he is always around with a smile on his face.

But the last day, he announced me a news... not so easy to hear : Lady Zandra, his protector, wishes to turn him as Chosen. Of course, Terra is quite flattered by this attention and i can understand his joy and impatience.
Talking about that future event, we have a lot of questions about the future of our friendship and right now, we did not answer at all these questions...
When he will be a Chosen, how he will react in front of me, his old human friend ? What will be the stronger ? Friendship ? Thirst ? How Chosens manage their feelings ? Are they able to feel something else than coldness, anger, hunger, thirst ? Will i be only a bloodoll able to feed with my blood ?

I adviced Terra to meet Lady Mortis... This Lady Angel who takes care of my health and mental. She listened me a lot and explained me about Chosen's feelings and actions, to reassure me and help me to understand my protector.

And about my protector... long time i met him. I just know he is around in the city... i feel his presence in my veins.

Gioia.

Praecipito Caelitus.

Dear Diary,

Things change in Venexia. Some Covens disappeared and some new leaders show their power. It is the life.
But, there is a big changement who will interfer in my poor human's life... if it is not already did.

My protector created his Coven, Preacipito Caelitus.

He is joined by some strong DeRais vampires and i am in the middle of them. Fortunately, i belong to the leader and his second, Lady Selena do like me. I am a lucky girl... i have some amazing ladies worried for my tiny life...

(Painting by Gioia, using her feelings to represent Zarek's coven)

And about amazing lady, i still have Lady Mortis around me. She summoned me yesterday and takes the time to listen about my pain, forgetting her thirst for a moment.

I feel a bit better, trying to put all my mind in my work for my family... I need to keep my mind busy...

Gioia.

The Curious Quest.

Dear Diary,

It is done, i created a Quest for all Borghese, to make them investigate about each Coven of Venexia.
I worked on that project since some weeks and i am finaly glad that i can proposed it to the Venexians.
Now, the stress will come with many questions in my mind...
How many Borghese will take part to my Quest ? How many time it will take to find all answers ? How Chosens will react with all these curious Borghese, asking questions ? Why i bring me stress with the creation of such event ? Will people appreciate my work ?

http://cuoreprezioso.blogspot.com/p/next-event.html

Now, i should thank all Chosens who helped me during my work, giving me a question for that Curious Quest. I could tell this Quest could not be without Chosens.

Gioia.

Better to avoid...

Dear Diary,

I don't like to feel anger, fustration and disappointment... and that is all i feel when my protector Zarek is around, not so far of me. My hand trembles as i am writing these words and i don't like to be in that state. I BETTER TO AVOID ! I better to avoid him, i better to move far away when i feel his presence, to escape to that pain, these feelings.

I am Gioia Selvaggia, Elder from Cuore Prezioso and not sure to be Zarek's protected. But i will do like i always did, i will fight my demons, the hurt who gives me that burn in my veins. I will kill that pain by giving all my time for my family and my friends. If i still have friends...

« Les larmes sont un don. Souvent les pleurs, après l’erreur ou l’abandon, raniment nos forces brisées. »

I should stop trouble me about the Chosen to which i belong and just enjoy moment with friends. Like this day i spent with my friend Terra. I was sad and he just brought me with him to get a relaxing moment, swimming in the ocean and making some funny races. A simple moment which just cleared my mind from all that problems i had.

Gioia.