Back to insecurity ?

Dear Diary,

Now, the feeling of insecurity is back in our veins...
If you are a blood Gaunt, you enjoy the protection of a Sabat... but never safe because some Chosens are crazy enough to break the rules.

As Borghesia, there is only one protection we can hope : The protection of the Court. But only if we rent our blood... and never sure to be protected from crazy vampires. If you don't work for the Court, you are a simple prey.

I made the experience. As i am working at Bordello, ending soon my training... i am a nice prey for some Chosens. And, in two days, i was threatened twice... by DeRais. Are DeRaisi back to strenght and number ? I don't feel in security and now, i am feeling the lose of my 'protector', Lord Zarek.

When he will be back from travels?

New job...

Dear Diary,

I decided to work at Bordello to get some new skills and help myself to manage my fears and the odd reactions of my body. Of course, the Primus Anton took me under his wing. For now, he is patient and very protective.
As i know some medecine knowledges, the Primus will certainly take me for some medical works. I'm lucky that i spent a lot near my father, in his pharmacy... he teached me a lot. Perhaps i am saved from Bordello's hard job... All i studied at the Orphanage's library will finaly helps me.

No protection.

Dear Diary,

Times change and a lot of things change for us, Borghesia. If we don't work for the Court by renting my blood, we are not protected by its rules... We become a prey like all paesani.
And now, it is worse ! Lord Zarek, my protector, left for some long travel and then, the last day we met, he showed me what i am : a simple toy. Yes, i am just a toy... He tried to get me fil this awful blood vat but i struggled badly and, upset, he just used my sensitive desire to get me back at my place, the human pet.

So, i decided to take care of myself and stop to look for a Chosen's protection. I will belong to no one !
Now, i need to find a way to tame my fears... I need to control my boday and feelings. Perhaps i should go back at the Bordello and find a discret job there... To listen the talks of the girls.

A destabilizing trap.

Dear Diary,

A couple days ago, i felt in a destabilizing trap...

Walking in streets, lost in thoughts, i nearly bumped a Chosen that i fear... So i mumbled some apologizes to be in that odd state. But he never let me go... he wanted to know more about the feelings upsetting my mind, just to entertain him. As i was not agreeing, he used his sabat skill on me, forcing me to tell the truth. He took pleasure, listening my words and fustration about the needs of my body, about my claiming blood, about my insecure's feeling. He took fun to tease my mind, reminding me what i miss, what my body wants.
I was so angry, fustrated and shocked to tell all my secret thoughts to this frightening Chosen. I was mad and i clearly showed him my anger. To hear him wanting to take care of me and my burning blood during Lord Zarek's absence.
To get rid of him, i accepted to pay with a bite, hoping he would leave me in peace and praying to not be too much reactive, knowing my blood and body were in needs. And i failed. The Chosen felt the subtile reactions of my human body, even if i was muttering the reverse. My body betrayed my mind !

It was too late, all went wrong. I was prisonner from his arms, his embrace keeping me trapped between him and the door of his home. I tried to push him away, i even attempted to graze him when he raised my skirt, feeling his desire. My body betrayed me... i never stopped to beg him to stop, to not take me that way. But i failed, he finally brought me in his home, playing with me all the night...

I am mad and ashamed to be so weak and mixed up. The protection i needed never came to save me from that situation. No Lord, no DeRais, no Drakul's friends... nobody. I was lost, trying to deal with my tortured mind, trying to manage the sensations my body claimed.
I hate me, i feel dirty, i fear to meet this Chosen again. I am frightened and lost.

Gioia.

It's spring, the city lives again...

Dear Diary,

The spring is back. And it is back with my birthday... i'm 19.
Also, this season brings back a lot of changements. The first important changement for me is the return of Lord Zarek. He was in a long travel, on Italy's coasts. Perhaps his return is the sign of the beginning of that storm i talked in previous pages ? You remember ? I told you about the calm before the storm... It is strange but i feel it will happen something... But i don't know what. It is like an odd shivers, suddently crossing along your spine, you know something will happen.

I also engaged myself in the run for the management of the bakery. For now, we are three candidates which submitted their entry... That means i have all my chances. Having the control of a food stall can be very important. I wish to be able to bring some helps and facilities for my kind, the humans. Also, i do love to eat sweet pastries... i think it is also a good reason to run that business.

Now, about spring's changements, i hope they will be positive. But i am afraid that my odd shivers would be so encouraging. Damn, i still have hard time to understand what i feel.

Gioia.

The suffering.

Dear Diary,

The pain is a feeling which i fear particularly. Perhaps because i am very sensitive or perhaps because i lives some horrible moments ? But now, i can't see someone suffers in front of me... even a Chosen, even a Vordesian who generaly hates my kind of humans, the Borghese.

Yesterday, a Vordesian Lady was hung on a hook on the Piazza. When i locked my eyes on her, noticing her pain and her bloody face, i felt bad. Slowly, i stepped closer her with prudence and when she asked me help in a breath, i stopped to think and i helped her to get out this hook... I hope i don't bring myself in troubles by helping Miss Selenity.

I don't like to see the suffering... like i don't like to feel it.

Gioia.

Calm before the storm ?

Dear Diary,

The city of Venexia is living a strange period of calm.
You can walk free in the streets and none will bother you. It seems the Chosens are in a odd peaceful mood. Of course, a lot of them are in travels... even Lord Zarek. No DeRais around and if i meet one, during a short time, this is in a relatively serene atmospher. Like i met Signore Hayden, we talk about fashion, giving my opinion on two pretty dresses he will sell for his business. And i am lucky with DeRais because he finally offered me the two attires.
Without MyLord around me, the little care of Sir Hayden brought me back the sense of security, the assurance to know someone keeps an eye on me.
I am a little more serene and i start to deal with the pain of my connection with Lord Zarek.
During this peaceful week, i took care of my family and its members. I tried to do my best to help these who need me... even if i failed some times.

Gioia.

Terra's turning

Dear Diary,

This sunday, march 10 is a special day i don't want to forget... Something will happen and a lot of things will change. Of course, i wish to not have too much changements, especially my relation with my friend Terra.
Because today, this is Terra's day... He will lose his Humanity to become a Chosen.

Together, we spoke a lot about this event and noticed we have a lot of fears about the future of our friendship. Many questions about the feelings, about the Chosen he will be... But only the future can answer.

For now, i just wrote a poem for him, to express my feelings, hopes and fears... Here is Gioia's pray for her best friend, Terra.

Me, Gioia, i have a friend called Terra

He takes care, holds me in this era.

I am sure i can call him 'my best friend'

He will be around me .. always, until my end.

Now, he offered his precious Humanity,

To pass over and become a Chosen.

For me, his feelings will never be frozen,

My friend will never die, living for Eternity.

And i believe he still keeps true feelings

Or i will be there, standing in front of him.

I will bring him to the Ocean, just to swim,

To refresh our friendship and its meanings.

Terra, this poem is a wish i wrote for you.

I hope the sky, upon our heads, will stay blue.

Wihtout you, this world is full of horror and cruelty

So, Me, Gioia, i promise to never broke this complicity.

Gioia.

Fear and shame.

Daer Diary,

As i am writing now, i am still shocked by the events i lived yesterday and my night was not whole resting, having the fear running in the veins.
I was the human toy of two DeRais Ladies... They played with me, they used their skills to forced me to undress and dance in front of their Marchese Lord zarek. They proved that i am just a pet in their hands... even in the hands of my protector. They opened my eyes and made me see the true side of DeRais, all of them.
At the end, i was told to be dropped in a tavern, escorted by a lady... but i don't wanted to go in a inn .. i was just in need to be alone, in isolated place, the Chapel. Why the DeRais was following me ? Because i was not going to the tavern as Lord Zarek ordered ? Why she threatened me and tried to bring me reason ? I was too mad, frightened, ashamed and disappointed to be leaded more.
Fortunately, i hid two daggers in this Chapel . and i was ready to defend myself when she attacked. She made errors... She was weakened by her thirst, i was ready to do anything to save myself, full of rage and fear... but more, i was trained at fight by Lord zarek himself ! This good mixture saved my life... until next time.

But is was not the end of my fears... Diary.

When i was going back home, this little room where i sleep, At Arsenal... I knew the two DeRais ladies were teasing my friend Terra. And i was not able to stay out this business ... i yelled them to leave him be. I fast gave up when Lady Zandra came to help him ... so i just stepped in a corner to be forgotten ... Too late.

Too late, i became a target... but i just wanted to stay... Worse, i just needed to stay close my protector. Just because of that connection and my damn claiming blood. The distance brings me pain and burn in veins ... and i was not able to move away from the Arsenal. I was not able to leave until a rentee came and brought me with force from there...

Back at Arsenal, i walked silently toward my room and tried to find some rest... the fear haunting my dreams.

Gioia.

Friend & Chosen.

Dear Diary,

Since a couple of weeks, i have a great human friend, Terra. He is attentive, understanding and he brings me some peace and relaxing moments. Especially when i am feeling bad and sad, he is always around with a smile on his face.

But the last day, he announced me a news... not so easy to hear : Lady Zandra, his protector, wishes to turn him as Chosen. Of course, Terra is quite flattered by this attention and i can understand his joy and impatience.
Talking about that future event, we have a lot of questions about the future of our friendship and right now, we did not answer at all these questions...
When he will be a Chosen, how he will react in front of me, his old human friend ? What will be the stronger ? Friendship ? Thirst ? How Chosens manage their feelings ? Are they able to feel something else than coldness, anger, hunger, thirst ? Will i be only a bloodoll able to feed with my blood ?

I adviced Terra to meet Lady Mortis... This Lady Angel who takes care of my health and mental. She listened me a lot and explained me about Chosen's feelings and actions, to reassure me and help me to understand my protector.

And about my protector... long time i met him. I just know he is around in the city... i feel his presence in my veins.

Gioia.

Praecipito Caelitus.

Dear Diary,

Things change in Venexia. Some Covens disappeared and some new leaders show their power. It is the life.
But, there is a big changement who will interfer in my poor human's life... if it is not already did.

My protector created his Coven, Preacipito Caelitus.

He is joined by some strong DeRais vampires and i am in the middle of them. Fortunately, i belong to the leader and his second, Lady Selena do like me. I am a lucky girl... i have some amazing ladies worried for my tiny life...

(Painting by Gioia, using her feelings to represent Zarek's coven)

And about amazing lady, i still have Lady Mortis around me. She summoned me yesterday and takes the time to listen about my pain, forgetting her thirst for a moment.

I feel a bit better, trying to put all my mind in my work for my family... I need to keep my mind busy...

Gioia.

The Curious Quest.

Dear Diary,

It is done, i created a Quest for all Borghese, to make them investigate about each Coven of Venexia.
I worked on that project since some weeks and i am finaly glad that i can proposed it to the Venexians.
Now, the stress will come with many questions in my mind...
How many Borghese will take part to my Quest ? How many time it will take to find all answers ? How Chosens will react with all these curious Borghese, asking questions ? Why i bring me stress with the creation of such event ? Will people appreciate my work ?

http://cuoreprezioso.blogspot.com/p/next-event.html

Now, i should thank all Chosens who helped me during my work, giving me a question for that Curious Quest. I could tell this Quest could not be without Chosens.

Gioia.

Better to avoid...

Dear Diary,

I don't like to feel anger, fustration and disappointment... and that is all i feel when my protector Zarek is around, not so far of me. My hand trembles as i am writing these words and i don't like to be in that state. I BETTER TO AVOID ! I better to avoid him, i better to move far away when i feel his presence, to escape to that pain, these feelings.

I am Gioia Selvaggia, Elder from Cuore Prezioso and not sure to be Zarek's protected. But i will do like i always did, i will fight my demons, the hurt who gives me that burn in my veins. I will kill that pain by giving all my time for my family and my friends. If i still have friends...

« Les larmes sont un don. Souvent les pleurs, après l’erreur ou l’abandon, raniment nos forces brisées. »

I should stop trouble me about the Chosen to which i belong and just enjoy moment with friends. Like this day i spent with my friend Terra. I was sad and he just brought me with him to get a relaxing moment, swimming in the ocean and making some funny races. A simple moment which just cleared my mind from all that problems i had.

Gioia.

Emptiness in the veins...

Dear Diary,

Since some days, i have a strange feeling in my veins and it is hard for me to understand and explain it correctly.
Of course, i know my blood is connected to my protector and then, i am able to feel his mood, his temper. My blood ? Or may be my soul ? No, no, no ... i don't know how it works and i still wonder why i am still so reactive and sensitive... I did not meet my protector since some days.
I SHOULD FEEL BETTER ! ... Please why i am feeling like this ? Why it tickles my veins, worse... it burns.

It is so hard to live, i feel his presence, his feelings, his mood.. and this last day, his desire to stay alone, in peace.
Oh god, Diary, it was like a rejection ... i turned back and left the Arsenal, feeling emptiness in my veins.

Emptiness in my veins....

Fragile friendship.

Dear Diary,

Sometimes, i think being the elder of a family and gets friends is not compatible...
I know some of my decisions are not welcomed for my friends. But i have some believes in the human race. I believe all human can change and have a second chance.
Perhaps i am wrong ? But if i give up and stop to believe in humans, i will not be myself anymore... I will not be Gioia, but one of these Chosens behaving without heart.
I am not like that !
I don't want to lose my friends but i can't force them to smile at me when they diapprove my choises. I will wait the end of their anger, if it happens one day.

Gioia.

Bloodoll.

Dear Diary,

A lot of my meetings with signore Zarek were not long enough and he had no time to bite me decently to feed his health. So, when i met him the last time, he was starving and very weak... I helped him to go at Arsenal, his home... as he wished.
But when we passed in the shadow of the gate, MyLord suddently jumped on me, some last strenght giving him power and he took violently possession of my neck, drinking my blood with greediness. He was lost in a irrational thirst feeding on his protected girl like he was attacking a poor animal. I tried to struggle and release me... I begged, i cried but he was stronger than me and all my movements excited him more : i was just a bloodoll, nothing more. I gave up the fight and waited the end... I don't remember what happened after.
I just have some short  memories of what happened after my collapse... Us in the inn, me sipping the soup and feeling him in my back, my hand on a knife. Everything is so blurry... I am feeling so bad, so angry.

Now, i know he is a true DeRais...

Gioia.

Travels.

Dear Diary,

I am feeling a bit better, less tired. And due, the city seems quiet and the rentals are less. Perhaps this is just an appearence ? Of course, i heard about some isolate attacks but none of my family came to report a problem. So, i guess they are all safe.
With this peaceful days for me, i started to work at the creation of a race of investigations, the 'Curious Quest' and this makes me travel a lot, trying to find good informations about each Coven.
But i need to slow down my work because there will be changes about some Covens, certain leaders leave and others come to lead a new Coven.

My protector Zarek will certainly take the leadership of a new DeRais Coven. This will make a big change and i know he will be more busy. I am very curious to see what it will happens in the future.

Gioia.

Events.

Dear Diary,

I am exhausted, but i can't stop.
This sunday, it was the celebration for the winners of my contest 'Il Morso Fatale'. It was a lot of stress for me and finally, i feel relaxed that all is ended. I am so happy some ladies of my family were around me to support this event. Thanks a lot to them.

But yes, i can't stop. I can't stop creating events and games for my family. Even if it is a lot of stress and worries for me, i need to be active. I need to help them but also, i need to change their mind and bring them some distractions.

Since more than a week, i am working on a game, a race of questions about all Covens. For that, i need to meet all leaders and ask their help to find the better question about the coven their lead. And of course, this get me tired and anxious. Why anxious ? Because i care to have some persons taking part at this race.
Also, i have some doubt about the organisation of that 'curious Quest'... Should i give question after question ? Or a note with all questions and leave the 'player' planning the investigation ? Perhaps i should ask advices to my Gemma, Ragazza...

Gioia.

Clothing.

Dear Diary,

I noticed one thing, the attire is very important and, of course, the image you represent.
I know i am the leader of my family and my appearence is very important. But sometimes, my youth is more powerful than my reason, my rebel spirit being back.
I often had exciting conversations about clothing with women of my family and some vampire ladies whom are close to me, listening their advices and opinions about the fashion of Venexia.
Some times, my appearence is a bit light and exotic, i agree. But i stay correct and elegant, showing who i am with my words and actions. No need to hide all my skin to be respected and be listened seriously.
But of course, it is your own choice : you give the image you want to show. You have to assume your appearence. Dont think to wear whore's clothing and be treaten as a Lady !

Here is the quote i selected to show my thought about the fashion of venexia :

"Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women."

Yesterday, we talked a lot about the attire of Lady Carlitta, sister of Lord Doge Mathias, leader of the House of Drakul. The lady was wearing and assuming an odd attire : Short pant, fishnet stocking, boot and very sexy top showing a lot of skin. I never thought she was the sister of a leader... but more a lady working at Bordello.
I was very impressed to see how the lady was assuming her clothing, very proud of her position.

Gioia.

Sensitivity and connection.

Dear Diary,

Why i am so sensitive ? Or maybe all humans are like me ?
When i am bitten, i feel too much sensations, the feelings of the vampire explode inside me and i can't control my reactions. Perhaps it is due to the bad moment i lived at the orphanage, a few years ago ?

Since that dark night at the orphanage, i lived in the fear to be touched, to feel all the shared sensations, bad or good. And worse, i am afraid to wake up the beast in the man.

And now, there is my protector, Zarek. Slowly, he tames me and teaches me how to accept the contact, how to manage the feelings running in my veins. It is so hard, with my sensitivity, i react very fast.
Being bitten currently by the same vampire is very strange, i feel like a connection and i become dependant.
I could say i am dependant, yes. Because my blood, my veins or my body are claiming the bite in need to be drained off. When i miss the bite, the contact of the fangs, my skin tickles, it is exciting and unbearable. Can i call that a connection ? What feel the vampire when i am far from him ?

Gioia.

Painting.

Dear Diary,

The painting is very important for me. When i need to relax and clear my mind, i often take my colors and brushes to work on some projects. And plus, Venexia is a beautiful colored city with many interesting people to paint.

This last days, i wanted to share my passion for painting by organizing a contest. So, i spent much hours, meeting people to get some sponsors and gather 4000 golden coins. All this money will be used for the prices of my contest called "Il Morso Fatale". yes, the topic of the contest is the bite.

You know, it is not simple and i feel often stressed, disappointed and discouraged. Only 12 paintings were submitted, this is not much. I thought, with the amazing prices, to get more candidates...
Now, it is the votes session and i hope people will send me the votecard before the deadline.

I don't understand and i really wonder whether i should continue to organize such events.
Who cares about my work and the time i spend to propose some entertainments ?

Gioia.

Portrait of me, Venexia.

http://cuoreprezioso.blogspot.com/2011/12/rp-contest-of-paintings.html

An Angel.

Dear Diary,

You know i meet a lot of people in Venexia, vampires and mortals like me.
And it is obvious that some of them count for me. Very much.
Of course, there is sir Zarek, my protector. But as i spend a lot of time with him, i finally met a Lady who is certainly a true friend of MyLord.

This Lady is an amazing person. After sir Zarek, she is the second vampire close which i feel safe and appreciated. She is a discreet lady, taking care of me, she is always around to advice me with her experience. She is very important for me, she is my Lady Angel.

Yes Diary, i can say i have an guardian Angel and she is called Lady Mortis Di Cardinal.

Gioia.

Powerless.

Dear Diary,

Sometimes, i feel powerless and this is not so good ... especially when you are a leader.
Today, a woman of my family was again attacked and of course, she don't kept memory about what happened.
How could i help her ?
I don't know about the reasons of the attack, i don't know about what she lived during this agression.. just knowing she was bitten. And worse, the only witness present around was asleep talking about a monster.
Is that possible ? Could be a Norferati ?
Well, i should listen my instinct and be prudent about this witness, knowing him as a very tempered vampire.
Also, i am aware that the attacked woman is very innocent and naive about the way to approach a vampire... She think they are all gentlemen or Wise Ladies. But no.

So, i completed my day and warned her to learn about each vampire and their mood when she approaches a Chosen.
I hope she understood me and be prudent in the future.

Gioia.

Zarek, my Protector.

Dear Diary,

First, i met Sir Zarek as i meet all vampire, just having a polite talk in the street. I still remember, it was near the Arena.
But the second time i saw him, he was in a bad situation, some Bathory vampires mad to see him in the Caffe after the attack from one of them. Zarek finally saved his honnor in a duel that he won.
I saw all and, even if he was winner in this fight, he left with pride but wounded. No one tried to help him... except me. I don't know what i thought at that moment, but i ran in the streets to find him and, like a rash girl, i proposed him a deal.
Of course, he is a good fighter, i saw the duel and all i can offert to get is protection is... my blood.
Now, Sir Zarek is my Protector and i am his Protected... and nothing changed...
Well, perhaps his company starts to change me ? Since that day, i learned already a lot about me and my feelings. I will explain you another day...

This is how i became Zarek's protected...

Oh, i forgot to tell you, Dear Diary, Sir Zarek belongs is from Sanguigno Corte, DeRais Sabat.

Sir Zarek, when i met him.

Chosen Sacha.

Dear Diary,

After the departure of my Norferatus protector, i tried to find my way in this city. But one day, a chosen called Sacha, a Lestati, claimed me. I was scared of him because i had some troubles with him. Let's say our characters were so strong and he tried to tame me, using the wrong way.

Oh god, Diary. Do you remember that i am haunted by old horrible memories ?

I don't like to be touched. I don't like violence and submission. I don't want to wake up the beast in a man. No, no, don't disturb my feelings.

The chosen and me started wrong... i finally escaped from him before i know him better.

Ragazza.

Dear Diery,

Do i ever speak about my friend Ragazza ? Let me tell you about her... she is so precious now.
I met her at my back in Venexia, when i was under the protection of a Norferatus, a very odd and old vampire. I don't even remember his name as i was always calling him 'My Lord'.
Yes yes, your heard me, a Norferatus.
I was not scared to be protected by a ugly Chosen. I respected him and of course, i tried to deserve his protection and avoid his old anger. I can tell you, it was not so easy... when you know my temper.
Well... My Lord lived at Docks and i met Ragazza there. She found a place to sleep there, hidden from Chosens. We surprised her, once, as she was wandering around... hunting rats, as she said. My Lord never trusted her and i was puzzled to see this little women with short hair (yes, she cut her hair and sold them to get some coins). She was full of pride and dared to answer at the Norferatus... to finally find a deal with my protector.

We kept meeting at docks and became true friends. Ragazza joined Cuore Prezioso and she finally helps me to lead this family.

She is my friend, she is my Prezioso Gemma

Madolina, called Ragazza, when i met her.

Poem.

Dear Diary,
I wrote a poem about my family, Cuore Prezioso.

Cuore Prezioso (precious heart)

We are the Humanity,

Remaining with our era's devastations.

We are the Humanity,

Evolving with dignity in front of humiliation.

We are the Humanity,

Preserving the culture and the knowledge.

We are the Humanity,

Innocent in front of these creatures without age.

We are the Humanity,

Having the life, the blood, a soul.

We are the Humanity,

Conscious of being jewels whit important role.

We are Humanity, we are Precious Heart.

Cuore Prezioso, a family.

Dear Diary,

Being a lonely human is not so amusing. And you know what ? We, Borghesian, are so numerous... all these precious solitary Hearts.
We are alone, orphans without our family... Let it be. But who forbids us to gather and build a new one ? A new circle where we will help each other, where we will be friends and support all who will be a member of my... Family.

Now, i belong to a family and i lead it.
I wish to help and welcome in my family all lost Borghesian.

I am Gioia Selvaggia, the leader of Cuore Prezioso.

Gioia.

Back to Venexia.

Dear Diary,

Seven years.
Seven years i was far from the city of my childhood. I spent seven years in that awful place they call 'orphanage'.

Now, i am back home...

But i had never noticed that vampires were so present here. All is clear now. I remember the strange behaviour of Daddy when i spent time with him at the Apothecary. He was so nervous, so full of care for his young child. I was so innocent.
And now, i am a mortal, alone without the protection of a family... How will i survive ?

To be a mortal here is not easy because you can't avoid the bite of a vampire and a lot of them hunt all rebellious humans to feed their thirst. I am sure there is a way to get out of chases and enjoy at some protection of the Chosens. Of course, dear Diary, i found that way ! A group of humans, called 'Borghesia', is protected by the Court of Vampires and they work for them : they sell their precious blood !

I made my choise, i will be a Borghesia !

Gioia.

Who i was ?... and now, who i am.

Dear Diary,

Of course, you don't know me... So, let me introduce me and explain what was my childhood...

I was the girl of Orabella and Alfonso Selvaggia. My mom was a midwife and Daddy was chemist in Venexia's apothecary. I lived my best years until they died of the plague, i was 12 and had no family anymore. So, 'They' sent me at the orphanage where i was partly raised up. There, i received a hard education and lived unavowable horrors. What horrors ? You will know one day...
But i am sure of one thing : what i lived changed me.

Perhaps all this built my character ? They told me i am a revolted girl with unsubdued temper... I am may be young but not stupid. I will do my best to not revive such horrors ! I learned enough to be independent and my adventurous temper helped me to find a way to flee from that awful place.

Oh, you want me to describe me ?

I think i am an independent, adventurous young girl with the wild spirit. I try to hide my shyness, fears and traumas behind a proud look. I want constantly to show i can manage myself alone in my life. It is often this preoccupation of that demonstration which makes me nervous and aggressive. But i am sure if i manage to be released from hmy crispations, i am then full with constructive dynamism, curiosity and rather easy to live.

It's me now, nearly 19.

Gioia.

My Diary, my secret thoughs

Dear Diary,

I am Gioia Selvaggia and you, you will be my secret confidant.
Well, i know you are only a diary... but you are mine and i need your help.
You will help me to share my thoughts, to write them here, on your pages... I just need to free my mind.

Free my mind ?

Yes, i am nearly 19 years old and you can't imagine all stories i already lived ! I really need to manage all i live and explain what i feel. So please, just listen to me...

Gioia.